Taralen

Hello, FRIENDS.

Well, what can I say except that I am financially, mentally, and spiritually ruined? 8^D

I have been struggling to find work for MONTHS now, and haven't gotten any interviews or offers. I was on disability, but it only lasted 7 months. Now I can't reapply for disability, can't get unemployment, and have been relying on my father's assistance for the past few months.

However, my father has completely lost the plot (he's also the #1 reason why I am mentally deranged), and now I have absolutely NO ONE OR ANYTHING to make or get CONSISTENT AND RELIABLE income from. Why, you may ask? Well, it's a long story, but I'm in the middle of a frustrating divorce situation with my parents, and since he has a restraining order that prevents him from talking to my mother, he's been using my financial situation as a way to bully me into doing his bidding. I've been dealing with this for months, but he's reached a point where he's no longer treating me like family but as an "employee." He doesn't talk to me like I'm even related to him anymore, and he is trying to get me to do something that's illegal and against the court orders. Since I refused to do it, he has cut me off from all further financial support. SUCH A LOVING FATHER AM I RIGHT.

I have commissions I still need to finish, but my tablet is dying, and drawing is a huge pain in the @$$ at the moment. I have over $800 worth of bills I'm not going to be able to pay in the next few weeks because my dad has suddenly decided I'm not a human being anymore.

SO! I have a few options!

1. KILL MYSELF, TAKE EVERY PILL I HAVE

2. SELL MY BODY because no job I've applied to has gotten back to me and I sure as $%)^ ain't going to get the money I need in time.

3. MAYBE open up commissions while risking the ire of my existing clients whom I STILL HAVEN'T FINISHED STUFF FOR so I feel like a total PIECE OF $($%) asking for more. ALSO REPLACEMENT TABLET ISN'T HERE YET.

4. BEG LIKE THE WORTHLESS TRASH I AM

5. ??????????????

I NEED [HELP].

WHAT DO I DO? This isn't a joke I am in a crisis and I HAVE BEEN SOBBING for HOURS.

I have SO MANY BILLS AND DEBTS TO PAY.

⚠️☠️🚨

I am going through a serious life crisis, and I have no income at the moment. I was on disability, and I am currently not considered fit for regular work. I'm applying for a new job, but I have had no luck so far. Don't belive anything you hear about the job market. It's a lie.

I REALLY need to do commissions. I need to pay my bills, I and I have no other source of income. If I don't make enough, I cannot afford food, either. Please, anyone, please commission me. :(

I've been working on my book nonstop for about a month and a half. These include concept art pieces that I don't want to share publicly.

I decided earlier this year not to put concept art out to the public, but since that's most of what I've been drawing since the beginning of this year, I haven't got much else to show for here. I don't want to share most of them on Patreon either since they're a little spoilery, but I will probably make the exception for some other ones, so as long as they aren't spoilers.

I'm still open to commissions, so if anyone wants to talk to me about one, just note or message me on here.

Also, for anyone wondering, I am not a fetish artist. I draw regular stuff most of the time. I just don't have any I want to share. lol

I apologize for not being active much. I'm still going through a lot in my personal life--mostly family and financial concerns.

I have avoided social media. I don't even remember what I posted publicly about my problems anymore--every day has blended together and become a blur. The internet no longer feels like a place of escape. I don't feel like I belong on this planet anymore--everything's gone so nuts.

I know my life will be better once we move out of this godawful city I live in, full of filth, rampant crime, and depravity. I know there are good people out there, but so far, due to personal life matters involving the property we live in, I still can't leave.

I wish someone could take me away. I hate it here. I struggle to find meaning and purpose in a dirty and degenerate place. I know what it's like to smell the fresh air and not see litter everywhere.

I didn't choose to live here--I was born here, and I utterly despise it. For whatever reason, fate is pushing back my escape. Why? I don't understand. The universe doesn't want me to leave this awful city.

I draw and write, mostly all private now, because I know it only matters to me. It's my way of escaping this living hell. I see what goes on in the local news, and I get angrier all the time. I must leave, and yet there's no pathway to the exit.

Too many debts owed, too many disabilities to contend with, and I don't know anyone with the means to help.

I never want to live anywhere near a city again. Please, God, take me out of this hellish place.

Starting today, due to the insane amount of disrespect artists are facing right now on the internet, no thanks to (but not entirely because of) tech bros and their AI scraping obsession, I will no longer post most of my original concept art for free. If you're interested in my stuff, please check out my Patreon. This is the compromise I am making instead of keeping entirely private.

Most of my public art will be fanart. I will still post my original art, but not as frequently.

And to be quite frank: my original work is mostly WIP, and since I am a hardcore perfectionist, I feel much better being private about it until I can solidify the ideas.

As another aside, original work is not marketable with an uncaring audience. I aspire to grow on other platforms, and the only way to effectively do this is not to draw original work. Sorry to say, but it's the truth.