Alright this is more humorous to me than anything but I sometimes mess around and I try to sign up on sites with a username of Letticus. Since that was a name I made up myself I figured no one would use it yet I get many cases of it being used up and I'm like "WOW WHAT."
So has anyone been using mon petit chou's name for their username? Just curious.
Or any of my other characters cause that's going to make me laugh if it's true.

...That I lost interest in. Halloween oh YAY. Guh.
Aside from it being a grand market scheme to rip off parents for their money, it's only fun when you're celebrating it with others.
Well not going on a tangent so it's safe for me to say I loath and despise holidays.
I mean without family or friends who give a damn what's the point?
I'm not the only person feeling this way right?

There's also the issue of living in a town full of adults and retired people. On average we get about only 3 people per Halloween to ring our doorbell. Sometimes none. It's a sad lonely place. Hmm
My mom can't afford candy either since of personal family issues.

So whatever.

Ugh I'm falling apart piece by piece...
My stomach has been killing me guys... It hurts so bad like someone punched me in it.
Even when I take Mylanta I still feel sick... I can't eat anything that doesn't make me sick eventually...
Several people think I'm just insanely stressed out and depressed. My mom worries I'm developing an ulcer.
I can't seem to find anything to cheer me up. Not even drawing... Nonetheless I'm pretty much alone this evening so that made me even feel more miserable.
I'm so so sorry for all the journals lately but I'm in some serious form of depression that I am having a really hard time coping with that's affecting my health horribly...

Fuck you DeviantArt for not publishing my extremely expressive journal I took a long time to write out because of your shitty server error.


Long story short, I've come to the conclusion that I just don't want to try and that my standard is way too high for myself. I always want the easy way out and just that alone.
I'm never bent on trying and I just want to be the best at things without trying.

But now I have to try. I have to try to fight my depression and just do my work. I need to stop wasting time and move my feet and keep walking.
I appreciate all the really supportive comments from people that I don't even know. It really made me consider how much I'm worth to just about... Anyone or anything.

Now all I have to do is suck up my pride and laziness and just do the right thing.

I've apparently been depressed for years.
I talked with my counselor today and I could have this type of depression that occurs over years. I think I may very well have that as I matched a lot of the symptoms.
I'm also still stressed about school. I wanted to transfer but I noticed all the other schools are just... Well one of them requires a Senior Project and I really rather not go through that. I'm unproductive and not dedicated to school as it is.
But I'm scared. I don't want to fail but then again I want to be that wonderful student I used to be... And I just feel I will never achieve that anymore...
I feel like a complete idiot. And I almost broke down at school today because of how worthless and incompetent I feel about myself.

I don't know if I can pull through... I just don't see myself working hard... Why is this... I just don't know why.
I'm just... Tired of it. I'm tired of everything and I just want it all to suddenly stop and go back but I can't do that... I can't go back in time...

Hrrn I just want to try to be my fabulous self but it's so hard...